It’s early, too early, and if it were a couple hundred years earlier I would be in a candle lit room, probably sitting at a large oak desk writing with a quill and ink. But that isn’t the case is it. It’s 2020, and I’m sitting at a glass desk, typing on a laptop and streaming The Green Children on YouTube.
What causes sleepless nights….. The ones where you lay in bed trying desperately to fall asleep but are unable to do so. Then at some point you give up the attempt. Only to roll off a mattress with a soft sigh, before making your way through a dark corridor of objects, often tripping over half of them before finding a light switch.
I often revisit this question when insomnia sets in, and I have no choice but to surrender to the undesired circumstance.
THe Shadows Of The Mind:
If I really put some thought into an answer, I could probably come up with a number of reasons, but simply put it’s probably the result of our “Shadows”. The wounds and insecurities that we hold below the surface of our being.
And boy oh boy do I have some. Spiritual does not mean you’re exempt from such things, and as I’ve said many times in recent months to others….. I’m not immune to the energy that is bombarding the planet right now. It brings everything to the surface to be healed. Sometimes in very uncomfortable ways.
In my case, I’m usually cast into a profound period of reflection. Lasting anywhere from hours to weeks. So what is it tonight that prevents me from finding peace.
Is it the profound “Dark Night Of The Soul” that often accompanies anyone who searches for truth in a sea of disgusting mis-truths? Is it because I’ve avoid resolving my intimacy issues out of fear? Is it because I still avoid admitting the obvious, even if it’s to myself?
YES… YES… AND YES!
Intimacy Issues Are The Root:
Over the years, I’ve made many excuses, for not wanting any type of intimate relationship. AND I’ve come up with some very creative ones for sure. What’s that old skit from Saturday Night Live, where “Oscar” was saying why he didn’t need companionship. I believe he said something like “I don’t need you to have a good time honey, I beat my dick like it owes me money”…..
That skit is a throw back for sure, but I still remember one of my friends talking about it shortly after it aired. While masturbation is therapeutic, I have never heard of someone reaching a truly Tantric state by themselves.
I won’t even tell you how I responded, when my own guides indicated that an intimate encounter would solve an issue with what I thought was “unwanted” visitations at night. They actually made it clear, that they were occurring because I wanted them to occur. YES! I actually had found another way to avoid an intimate connection with another person.
If you would like to read about that experience, you can click here and read my post from last Halloween. The things I have done to avoid resolving my intimacy issues……
This issue runs deep in me, and has its beginning in a past life. The full details of which, have yet to come to the surface. But the fear in this incarnation, relates to trust and not being able to know how such things would play out. Thus I am vulnerable…. Vulnerable to my fear….Vulnerable to a ghost..
Yet I know all fears fade and this one will surely disappear. Perhaps it is the last thing that remains for me to heal, I will have to find out.
Well everyone dawn is approaching. I see the sun rising, is it symbolic? Before I sign off, I wanted to share that I’ve added another author to the blog. I’m excited about this, as they are very creative and enjoy writing as much as I do. I’m not going to give away anything else, but keep an eye out for their posts.